"Virus" in Your Relationship?

Couples Therapy in Austin, TX

It seems there have been many viruses going around lately causing people to get sick for several days at a time. I began to think about the emotional implications when one is sick. When people experience an illness it is often challenging to remember how it feels to feel good and healthy. Psychologically it can feel as though the illness has taken over, thus leaving one feeling defeated. When I think about being sick I connect the overwhelming feelings of defeat to a struggling relationship.
 
 

When relationships struggle, it is common for the relationship to develop into a dysfunctional pattern.

A dysfunctional pattern is like a relationship developing a virus. This “virus” in the relationship can make both partners within the relationship feel overwhelmed with defeat while struggling to remember a time when the relationship was good and healthy. The hardest thing about being in a relationship is being able to uncover the dysfunctional pattern. Partners within the relationship may sense something is off, but it is challenging to be able to identify exactly what is wrong. Also, it is very common for both partners to begin to adapt to the new pattern of the relationship and begin to feel as if the new pattern defines the relationship- a new normal for the relationship.
 
If you are beginning to feel like a virus has attacked your relationship, I am here to help. Begin to think about what has recently changed in your relationship and we can work together to identify how to get your relationship back to the healthy status you crave. 

Google is Quite Telling

Couples Therapy in Austin, TX

Google searches are quite telling. So out of curiosity, for my married couples, I googled, “My marriage is…” to see the most common searches via Google. What I found was no surprise on the many struggles a couple faces, but it only made me want to reach out and offer help to these couples. The top ten results following the search phrase of “my marriage is” are: over, boring, failing, dead, broken, miserable, a lie, in trouble, killing me, and toxic. Google offers people a safe haven to find answers to their most challenging questions, especially when it comes to how to save their marriage. It can be incredibly scary to talk out loud about what is going on in a marriage. If one says it out loud, it bears more weight than just searching on Google, right? Maybe…

When people get married, there is an image of how marriage should be.

Although it is often shared, “marriage is hard,” movies and shows romanticize the image of marriage. Many people enter into marriage and have hopes their marriage will match up with those romantic and perfect marriages as seen on the big screen. The unfortunate truth is each marriage is different, and each marriage faces its own unique challenges. So, when a marriage hits a bump (or several pot holes) in the road, many partners in the marriage feel defeated. Their marriage did not turn out as expected and now it is over, failing, dead, broken, or in trouble. I think of the challenges marriages face as detours on the road to a happy marriage, not an end to the marriage.
 
When people say “marriage is hard,” they really need to be saying, “marriage takes work.” When your marriage is boring, toxic, and feels as if it is killing you, this is a sign the couple needs to put in some work in changing the dynamics of the marriage/relationship. Each individual within the relationship needs to be able to look at his or her relationship and reassess the strengths and challenges present. In addition, each individual needs to recognize part of making a marriage work is being open to making changes in how he or she approaches the needed change.  
 
There are strategies offered in couples' therapy to help with these top ten Google search results on marriage. If you, or someone you know, has googled any of these prompts on marriage, know I am here to help make the needed to changes to redirect the marriage and get it back on course.