Google searches are quite telling. So out of curiosity, for my married couples, I googled, “My marriage is…” to see the most common searches via Google. What I found was no surprise on the many struggles a couple faces, but it only made me want to reach out and offer help to these couples. The top ten results following the search phrase of “my marriage is” are: over, boring, failing, dead, broken, miserable, a lie, in trouble, killing me, and toxic. Google offers people a safe haven to find answers to their most challenging questions, especially when it comes to how to save their marriage. It can be incredibly scary to talk out loud about what is going on in a marriage. If one says it out loud, it bears more weight than just searching on Google, right? Maybe…
When people get married, there is an image of how marriage should be.
Although it is often shared, “marriage is hard,” movies and shows romanticize the image of marriage. Many people enter into marriage and have hopes their marriage will match up with those romantic and perfect marriages as seen on the big screen. The unfortunate truth is each marriage is different, and each marriage faces its own unique challenges. So, when a marriage hits a bump (or several pot holes) in the road, many partners in the marriage feel defeated. Their marriage did not turn out as expected and now it is over, failing, dead, broken, or in trouble. I think of the challenges marriages face as detours on the road to a happy marriage, not an end to the marriage.
When people say “marriage is hard,” they really need to be saying, “marriage takes work.” When your marriage is boring, toxic, and feels as if it is killing you, this is a sign the couple needs to put in some work in changing the dynamics of the marriage/relationship. Each individual within the relationship needs to be able to look at his or her relationship and reassess the strengths and challenges present. In addition, each individual needs to recognize part of making a marriage work is being open to making changes in how he or she approaches the needed change.
There are strategies offered in couples' therapy to help with these top ten Google search results on marriage. If you, or someone you know, has googled any of these prompts on marriage, know I am here to help make the needed to changes to redirect the marriage and get it back on course.